There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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