i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
