I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
