He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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