Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
