It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
