Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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