I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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