Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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