So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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