There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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