I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
