Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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