This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
