Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
