Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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