its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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