can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
