i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
MIDGETS
????
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
