so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
