im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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