If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I want her autograph on my taint
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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