dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
