She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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