I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
