my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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