A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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