I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your cock deserves a montage
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
