I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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