ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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