I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
