ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
