My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He better not be in your backpack
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is Oprah even human
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
