He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
