I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Even my vagina gasped.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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