but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Randomize
