WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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