is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
