I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
