Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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