As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
