whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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