don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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