i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
