I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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