i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
