party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
