that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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