I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
