I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize