that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
