I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Randomize
