You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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