hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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