So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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