I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
