Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
