What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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