She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
