did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
