You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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