Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
