I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
