mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
