There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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