Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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