I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize