In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
