I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
